the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
