I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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