I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
