he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
