hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
