look no pants
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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