Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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