What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
