I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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