I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
