I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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