He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
