i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
