my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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