I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
