We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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