omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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