Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
