Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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