I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
