I wish I could teleport
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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