she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
