I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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