while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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