She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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