Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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