I'm jealous of your bromance
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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