Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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