There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
