Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
