The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
