He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
