so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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