If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
