All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
