is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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