Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize