dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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