i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
