I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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