I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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