Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
