I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
