That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Mom said you looked used
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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