just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
