I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
