i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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