walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
