is your mom at the bar?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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