In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
