hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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