Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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