I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
