Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize