Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
