just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Green mimosas i think yes
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
