We're like a lot better than the average bears
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
