Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
