it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
