Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
