and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
