.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
zippers are such a cool invention
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
