Kiss
Puke
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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