I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
