We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
