We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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