Me. At least after what I've been through.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
