it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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