i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
