also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
