I can text with my tongue
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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