I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize