sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
