singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
