no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
